The other day I mentioned something to The Husband about writing, or one of my stories. (At the time I was on about 3 hours of sleep, so I don't remember what I said exactly.) Anyway, I said what I said and the husband stops watching his food rotating in the microwave (I remember THAT because he was eating the leftovers I wanted) and he sort of laughs and says "Why does it matter, you never write anymore anyway."
So I took "his" food and stormed out of the kitchen, naturally.
Just kidding. He was absolutely joking, but in my limited sleep state I found it less funny than he did. So suddenly I was remembering all the times in the last few months that he mentioned my stories, wondered aloud when was the last time I wrote, joked about buying me an iPad when I get published, "If you ever actually write anything, I mean." All the NAGGING!
And they say wives are the annoying ones...
In his defense, he sees it as encouragement, not nagging. Either way it's a sad little reminder that I HAVEN'T been writing and probably should have made more time for it before everything got crazy with the new baby. I knew my due date, I knew time was running out, and I still stayed about as far from that computer as I could. Not on purpose, it just worked out that way. And it isn't the first time I've done this. There's a whole ton of STUFF I've bought over the years- painting supplies, jewelry making tools, sewing machine, piano lessons, karate classes, etc- that I eventually just stopped doing.
Do I think I'm done writing? Absolutely freaking not. In fact, writing seems to be the only thing I always go back to. Why? Well, probably because learning how to half moon walk across a dojo, or proper finger placement on ivory keys didn't touch my heart the way characters and settings do. Somehow I stumbled on the thing I'll always go back to, whether it's babies, or zombies standing in my way.
It's got to have something to do with believing in what I'm doing. I absolutely believe this is what I was supposed to do with my life. I may not be ready to throw my stuff out into the world yet, but I will be. It's what makes me smile and kiss my husband on the cheek rather than steal "his" leftover meatballs when he makes fun of me for being lazy.
When you're putting so, SO much time into something as complicated as a novel, when you pour yourself into your characters you have to have the drive to see it through, no matter how long it takes. The key to that drive is believing that writing is supposed to be a part of your life and never giving up no matter what happens. And that doesn't just apply to writing. Believing in yourself and your ability to do whatever you want is one of the most important things you can have.
I have it. Do you?