Monday, August 29, 2011

The Master Procrastinator

I don't know about you, but when I'm faced with writing a difficult scene, or that scene between two more exciting scenes that makes your brain curl up in frustration, I am a master at doing anything but that scene.

I sit down at my computer, I pull up my Word document, I watch that tiny little line blink at me... and suddenly realize I haven't checked my email yet (a major failing because, of course, there's always something important in there... not.)

What follows is about four hours of doing ANYTHING but writing. And I mean anything.

Last night, was one such night. Which got me to thinking, what if someone else wasn't so talented in ramdomness? God forbid they have to actually sit down and write!

So here's a list of things you could do INSTEAD of writing.

I may or may not have done all these things at one time or another...

* Alphabetize your spice rack

* Antibacterial-ize every surface in your house

* Catch a duck

* See how many Oreos you can fit in your mouth

* Find anything with a cord and untangle it

* Set the duck free

* Put your flip flops in order according to color.

* Stare at your Facebook home screen until someone posts something interesting, then comment.

* Fold your collection of tissue paper

* Clean the sink

* Polish the silver

* Look for Hunger Games updates on IMDB

* Make all the pictures on your computer black and white

* Make a birthday wishlist on Amazon

* Take an online typing test to see your words per minute, then do it again to see if you can do it any faster

* See how many english muffins you can stack up before they fall down

* Make chocolate chip cookies

* Watch a candle flicker and imagine a ghost trying to blow it out from the other side (This is a Halloween themed procrastination)

* Spell your name in peanut M&M's

* Imagine what you'll say in your Ellen interview (because of course you're going to be a bestselling author someday right?)

* Try and sit cross legged on an exercise ball without killing yourself.

* Read about books coming out next fall knowing full well you're just going to get irritated at having to wait so long to read them.

* Try to disprove the "can't touch your elbow with your tongue" myth

* Paint your toenails orange

* Take a virtual tour of your dream home on Century 21

* Get lost in the Apple App Store

* Plant a Zombumpkin in Zombie Farm

* Watch your favorite movie with French subtitles and call it learning a 2nd language

* Research how much it would cost to buy your own private island

Yeah, this'll do...

* Create a dream cast for your book, complete with secondary characters.

* Order business cards

* Trim your fingernails

* Read your critique partners stuff instead of writing your own (Guilty.)

* Take a bath... a long one

* Pull weeds

* Go through every penny you can find and see which one is the oldest (1959)

There, that should get you started.

Is it sad that those just came off the top of my head? Possibly. Do I care? No.



  1. I'm guilty of so so many of those things. But in my defense, touring my dream home was technically research for a story I was thinking about writing. And I prefer baking brownies instead of chocolate chip cookies.

    p.s. I'm in your YA platform building campaign group.

  2. And that's the beauty of procrastination! Almost anything can be research.

    I can't make brownies anymore, I just end up eating the batter out of the bowl, and it never actually makes it to the oven...

    It's nice to meet you!

  3. Hey, Megan! I'm a campaigner in your paranormal group and I wanted to say I love this post... in fact, I have one similar that's just waiting for revisions to happen! Can't wait to read more!

  4. This oddly sounds like a typical day off for me when I decide to sit down and write... It doesn't even have to be a difficult scene.